“To win, you’ve got to put the ball in the macrame.”

Even the great Irish forecaster Nostradamus could not have foreseen the good fortunes of Lehigh and Norfolk (it is remarkably weird to even be typing their names), so rationally such aberrations should not count against my count. Add the facts that Notre Dame did not play sober, and my statement yesterday that I always get screwed by Ohio, my predictive skills actually remain intact at an incredible winning percentage of 81%! That being clarified, the following is my St Patrick’s Day edition of “Mister B(basketball)’s Round of 16 Selections”

EAST

Syracuse vs. Kansas State: Paddy Murphy arrived at Boston’s Logan airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. A Texan asked him if he was homesick. “No”, replied Paddy, “it’s worse. I have lost all my luggage”. “That’s terrible, how did that happen?” “The cork fell out of me bottle” said Paddy

SYRACUSE Orange will be wearin’ the green today.

Ohio State vs. Gorgonzola: “I’m the unluckiest person in the whole world” moaned Betty McGrath. “I bought a non-stick pan and can’t get the label off”.

GORGONZOLA becomes twice as rich as it turns green.

Wisconsin vs. Vanderbilt: A passer-by watched two Irishmen in a park. One was digging holes and the other was immediately filling them in again. “Tell me”, said the passer-by, “what on earth are you doing?” “Well”, said the digger, “Usually there are three of us. I dig, Fergal plants the trees, and Sean fills in the hole. Today Fergal is away unwell, but that doesn’t mean Sean and I have to take the day off, does it?”

VANDERBILT’s heritage can be traced back to Cork, Ireland

SOUTH

Indiana vs. VCU: Father O’Malley answers the phone. “Hello, is this Father O’Malley? “It is”. “This is the Inland Revenue Service, Income Tax Department. Can you help us?’ “I can”. “Do you know a Ted Houlihan?” “I do”. “Is he a member of your congregation?” “He is”. “Did he donate $10,000 to the church?” “He will”.

VCU’s fraternities’ prefer Guinness kegs to all others

Kentucky vs. Iowa State: In an Irish courtroom 12 men sat on the jury. After the trial, the Judge asked them for their verdict. “We find the man who stole the horse ‘NOT GUILTY’ said the foreman of the jury.

KENTUCKY’s grass is really green, not blue

Baylor vs. Colorado: An American paid a visit to Galway, Ireland. he enters the pub and raises his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He shouts, “I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin’ fools. I’ll give $500 to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back to back”. The room was quiet and no one takes the American’s offer. Paddy Murphy gets up and leaves the bar. Thirty minutes later, he shows back up and taps the American on the shoulder. “Is the bet still good? asks Paddy. The American answers “Yes” and orders the barman to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately Paddy downs all 10 pints of the beer, drinking them all back to back. The other pub patrons cheer and the American sits down in amazement. The American gives Paddy the $500 and asks, “If you don’t mind me asking, where did you go for those thirty minutes you were gone?” Paddy Murphy replies. “Oh, I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first.”

BAYLOR’s team color of shamrock green will prove lucky

WEST

Marquette vs. Murray State: On the bus Paddy got chatting to Murphy who was carrying a bag on his back. “What’s in the bag?” asks Paddy. “I’m not going to tell” replied Murphy. “Go on, do” pleaded Paddy. “Ah, all right then, it’s ducks” announced Murphy. “If I guess how many ducks you have in the bag, will you give me one of them?” enquired Paddy. “Look”, said Murphy, “If you guess the correct number, I’ll give you both of them”. “Five!” said Paddy triumphantly.

MURRAY STATE used to be named Murphy State

Louisville vs. New Mexico: Pat and Seamus sat in the corner of Mulligan’s newly refurbished bar. Across the wall opposite was a huge mirror, fourteen feet long and stretching from floor to ceiling. Glancing around the room Pat suddenly spotted their reflection in the mirror. “Seamus, Seamus” he whispered. “Don’t look now but there’s two fellas over there the image of us!” “In the name of God” said Seamus spotting the reflection, “they’re wearing identical clothes and everything”. “That does it” said Pat. I’m going to buy them a drink.” But as Pat started to rise from his seat, Seamus said, “Sit down Pat…one of them is coming over!”

LOUISVILLE’s school cafateria has served corned beef and cabbage every Thursday since the school first opened in 1798

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About Alan G Billingsley

My career has been varied, including time as a newspaper deliverer, lifeguard, bubble gum maker, door-to-door detergent promoter, telephone book proofreader, short order cook, private employment agency counselor and owner, office and credit manger, infantryman, pots and pans salesman, Chinese restaurant cook, Chinese restaurant owner, public employment counselor, budget analyst, tax analyst, grant administrator, radio announcer, radio and television show host, disk jockey, automobile valet, child advocate, and now retiree. I've seldom been bored.
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