Have You Ever Seen Anything As Lovely As A Knee?

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OK…if you can stop booing over my poetic license, I wanted to share that, in the morning I am heading out to the Cleveland Clinic Hospital in Weston, FL to undergo the knife. The above picture on the left is what’s going in; the picture on the right is what the post-surgery looks like to Clark Kent. Why am I doing this? Because I have noticed over the past five years a gradual reduction in my height. At this rate within the next five years I will be able to audition for “The Hobbit 4”. My new Titanium and Plasic doosywhatsit will allow me to add another two inches to my right side. I wish I had the money to do both knees, but until I can afford the second one, I just have to adjust to walking like Quasimoto for awhile. Hopfully in 2015 or 16, after the second operation is complete, I will be able to maintain the new height for, on average, twenty years. Or so I am told.

I explained to my wife Peg that I am going for a total knee replacement due to arthritus and so far the ruse is working. My FaceBook friends should know I have shown her how to update everyone on my splendid recovery; and her post will be seen later tomorrow. Please do not spoil the fun of my secret, because I want to look at the expression on her face in a couple of years when Peg suddenly realizes while we are slow dancing, she is actually resting her cheek on my shoulder, not on my scalp as she presently does. I’ll tell her the truth at that time; she will laugh at my tomfoolery, I will laugh at my ingenuity and we both will laugh over how crazy people are in this wacky world of ours. For my blogging friends, at some near point I shall report back on the process and progress and proably seek out ointment remedies that sooth aching muscles from walking at a forty-five degree angle. It isn’t easy being short, and seemingly getting shorter as I type, but now I’m looking forward to looking down more often. Wish me luck and I will talk to everyone on the flip-side.

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About Alan G Billingsley

My career has been varied, including time as a newspaper deliverer, lifeguard, bubble gum maker, door-to-door detergent promoter, telephone book proofreader, short order cook, private employment agency counselor and owner, office and credit manger, infantryman, pots and pans salesman, Chinese restaurant cook, Chinese restaurant owner, public employment counselor, budget analyst, tax analyst, grant administrator, radio announcer, radio and television show host, disk jockey, automobile valet, child advocate, and now retiree. I've seldom been bored.
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